To See Him….
So, let me start off by saying, if you’ve read any of my previous posts about God working on me to be a better husband this post you will understand better. God has been workin on me strong since the beginning of this year. Pushing me to die to myself and live for His glory! Especially when it comes to my relationship with my wife. At first I was gun ho and ready to be a servant. But then as I understood emotionally and physically what that meant to be a servant to her needs it started to feel like God was asking me as His “young child” to swallow a horse pill. Without crushing it.. No peanut butter to hide it in… No water to follow it! Just open up and swallow, no chewing! I’d feel depressed and aggrivated at times… And lately we even had a big fight. Mainly about whose working in our marriage… What I’ve come to learn is neither of us were working as much as God was.
At the begining of this year I was seeking to get outta they way so that He could work on her. But this has been more of a journey about me learning to be more thoughful and tenderhearted towards her. Chilvary ain’t dead fam, just lost in “The Notebook” (commercialed and covered up) and in my culture, it’s perpatrated as “having money, buying the bar, coping the nicest gear and just plain ole paying paying 4 someones love. But I digress. I don’t think in all our seven years of marriage I’ve had as much trouble. I mean I was really depressed, feeling hopeless in my mission to be a better husband. I keep falling, but the wonderful thing is… Is when I fall, I keep seeing God’s hand in the whole thing. Don’t get me wrong, ya boy be messin up and having to come back feeling like a complete loser! But then God’ll show how He used that and I’ll see were my lovely wife is changing before my eyes. Even though I acted the fool! This leads me to believe that maybe, my eyes are on the wrong battles. Or maybe at the whole war. His thoughts and ways are not like mine.
So really He has been workin this whole time. And even through my failures He’s brought me victory I could have never achieved. As is my wife and I are closer together than we’ve ever been and enjoy our time together. In times past I’ve been a jerk face and couldn’t even see her or her needs because I was too busy worrying about me gettin served. Just wanted to say that change comes at a loss.. And eventhough sometimes you feel like you’re losing and may appear to have setbacks, it is where your eyes are that really makes the difference! May our eyes always be on Him! Hopefully I didn’t sound like a scatter brain…. Peace!!!
